Naruto Uzumaki and the Sorcerer's Stone
by Artemis-sama 483
Summary: Naruto and crew are taking yet another stab at bringing Sasuke home when a jutsu goes wrong and several unsuspecting ninjas are accidentally pulled into another world, ending up in the last place ninjas would be expected: Hogwarts. SasuNaruSasu.
1. Naruto and Sasuke have bathroom troubles

**Disclaimer: **I own neither Naruto nor Harry Potter, and I am making no money writing this, although I am losing brain cells. Ah, well. Who needs brain cells? *dies from lack of brain cells* . . . Oh.

**A/N:** Uh, yeah. So, this idea came to me the other day. I was thinking, "you know, I'd kinda like to write a fanfiction," 'cause I've only ever done original fiction. So my first thought was, "I'll write Naruto!" And then I was like "no . . . Harry Potter . . ." And then, "Hell, why not both!?" So as I showered away my day's troubles, my mind busied itself by picking up Naruto and a select few friends and replacing poor Harry and a select few friends. Yes, that's right duckies; Harry is not in this story. This is Naruto fanfiction, in which Naruto goes to Hogwarts (and has the shit confused out of him). Although, if this goes well, I'm considering writing Harry's story in the ninja world. We'll see.

So now that I'm done rambling, please enjoy, and drop me a review, even if just to say hi, or that you read my story, or that right now you're pointing and laughing at me . . . please? Say something? Make my day? I'll do a happy dance . . . you know you want me to do a happy dance . . .

*is done*

Thank you!

**Warnings: **

This will eventually be a SasuNaruSasu fic. I am an obsessed fan. It will be a bit, because they start off as eleven-year-olds, but they are actually fifteen/sixteen years old . . . basically, their Shippuuden selves in eleven-year-old bodies. You'll see. I know it's a bit weird, but I wanted them to have a bit more maturity . . . though they can still "act their age" . . . heh heh . . .

There is also a fair amount of cursing. What can I say? I enjoy the English language to it's fullest, and I find nothing wrong with expressing vehemence through "bad words." Who decided which words were good and bad, anyway?

Also, my first few chapters are always the weakest, so hopefully it will get better . . . but don't let me make excuses, tell me which parts you think are shitty and I'll revise!

If anything else comes up, I'll let you know at the beginning of that chapter.

Also, this story is as yet un-beta-ed, so the only person who had seen it is me. So, if you catch any typos, bad grammar, awkward wording, or other author stupidity, please leave it in a review or PM me or email me or something to kick my ass over it. That'd be very much appreciated. As would, of course, any other type of review *gives puppy eyes*

One more thing—I swear, this is it! I have a really annoying habit of typing "form" instead of "from." I try to catch them, but if you see that, just know . . . it pisses me off at least as much.

Okay, I'm done with this ridiculously long author's note. Go read, my duckies!

**© 2009 Artemis-sama**

* * *

Everything was going according to plan. Uzumaki Naruto hid behind a patch of bushes, watching his comrades Haruno Sakura, Aburame Shino, Hatake Kakashi, Inuzuka Kiba, and Hyuuga Hinata battle a squad of Sound nins. His hands formed a seal, ready to jump into action at the signal.

Sakura darted past his hiding place. "Now!" she called to him.

"_Kage Bunchin no Jutsu!" _And sixteen Narutos suddenly flooded the clearing, overpowering the enemy. Kiba let out a whoop before signaling to Akamaru as they prepared for victory.

And then something slammed into Naruto and he fell back with a cry as his clones were all destroyed as one. And Naruto knew: _he_ had arrived.

He spat dirt and blood from his mouth as he scrambled back to his feet, eyes darting around. He could _feel_ his presence, could sense it hovering though it was trying to hide. His teammates were engaged with the Sound nins again, oblivious, shouting to him, asking what was wrong . . .

Naruto took a deep breath. "_Sasuke!_" he bellowed.

There was a moment of silence; and then, the other stood before him, robes stirring slightly in the wake of movement that had been too quick for the human eye to see. Naruto took a moment to stare at his former comrade. Still pale as a ghost, still sporting that silly hairdo, still wearing that ridiculous purple bow, still glaring at him with venomous red eyes.

Naruto chuckled humorlessly. "Finally," he said. "I was beginning to think you'd never show yourself."

Sasuke stared dispassionately at him, and Naruto felt anger rise in him. He hated that look, and this blank, emotionless creature Orochimaru had turned his friend into. "You haven't changed." One hand reached back to rest on the hilt of his sword. "Are you committing suicide yet again?"

Naruto was silent for a moment, staring at the ground over Sasuke's shoulder. "Only if you want to kill me," he said finally, voice low and rough. He arms hung limply by his sides. This was it; this was when Sasuke made his choice, between power and his first friends. _He wouldn't_, he thought. _This is _Sasuke. _He's . . . my best friend. He wouldn't . . . kill me . . . would he?_

Sasuke removed his hand from the sword, and for a moment, Naruto breathed a sigh of relief. Then Sasuke's hands came forward to form a seal. "You should have just stayed away," he said. "Gone on with your happy-go-lucky village life. I told you to stop following me. I told you to forget about me. And now, this is what you get."

There was a brief moment of panic; the flash of, _oh my god, I'm going to die!_ And then it was replaced by calm. It was okay if he died now, he thought. He had failed in his mission to bring Sasuke back; Sasuke was never coming back. And if he failed in something as simple as retrieving his best friend, than he deserved nothing better than death. He closed his eyes.

And then came a shout and a thump, and his eyes snapped open again. Kiba had come flying toward them and, with a wild cry, slammed into Sasuke, knocking him off balance and away from Naruto. But he was too late; a brilliant flash of light filled the clearing.

What none of them saw was how Sasuke's hands fumbled on the last seal before everything turned black.

* * *

Naruto's eyes slowly peeled open. He blinked. And then he blinked again.

_Okay_, he thought slowly, reorganizing his brain. _That's not my ceiling. _He glanced around. _Definitely not the hospital, either._ He sat up with a frown, taking in the tiny dimensions, the slanted wood ceiling, and the dingy mattress he was laying on. _In fact, I'd say I'm sitting in a supply closet right now._ He glanced back at the slanted ceiling. U_nder some stairs, maybe?_

As if to prove his point, someone came stomping overhead, pounding particularly loudly right at the part over Naruto's head. He glared up at whoever it was.

_First order of business,_ he decided. _Why the hell am I in a closet?_

He thought back. Obviously, Kiba had stopped Sasuke from killing him, but what had happened after that? What had that flash of light been? Had Sasuke fled the scene after that? And if he had been knocked out, as he assumed, he either would have been taken back to his apartment, to the hospital, or maybe Kiba would have let him crash at his place. But nobody would have put him in a closet, would they?

Deciding it must all be some sort of joke, Naruto clambered off the mattress, noticing he was wearing old, oversized pajamas—which definitely didn't belong to him though probably could have fit Chouji—and headed for the small, square door. It was locked.

"Very funny, guys!" he called, hoping someone was around to hear him. "You can let me out now, though."

There was no answer, so he tried again. "Really, guys! I need to take a piss."

This time he heard footsteps stomping toward him, and let out a sigh. "Finally. I—"

Banging on the door stopped him midsentence. "Shut up, boy!" a voice he definitely didn't recognize bellowed. "You'll wake the neighbors, you ingrate!"

Naruto paused. Okay—what?

"Who are you?" he demanded, pointing at the locked door though he knew the other couldn't see him. "And why am I locked in this closet?"

"Shut your piehole, or you'll be in there for the next _week_."

Naruto had had enough. He didn't give a damn who this obnoxious stranger was; he had other more pressing matters. "I have to _pee_," he whined.

There was a click, and suddenly the door swung open. Naruto was met by beady little eyes and a large purple face, followed by a beefy chunk of flesh. It took him a moment to realize he was staring at another human being.

"Oh, hi," he said sheepishly, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck. "Uh, have you seen any of my friends ar—?"

Wham! And Naruto found himself flat on his back, staring up in disbelief at the suddenly menacing man hovering over him. He had never, in all his years of being hated, glared at, and whispered about—never had an adult hit him like that, just out of the blue and for no discernible reason at all.

"What did I do . . .?" he whispered, more to himself than to the other.

"You," the man growled, "don't have any friends. Get to the bathroom now or get back in your cupboard. Your aunt and I are going to sleep and I want to lock you in first so you don't steal from the kitchen again. Move it!"

Naruto scurried. He had no idea what this lunatic was talking about. Aunt? Since when did he have _any_ family? Was the man insinuating that he was his _uncle_? He shook he head as he relieved himself. This was all just a bizarre dream, that was it. He would go back to sleep in the silly closet, and when he woke up, he would be back in his apartment. Problem solved.

* * *

_Tap tap. Tap tap tap_.

Naruto rolled over and groaned. "Go away, Sakura. Out next mission's not for another hour at least." And he promptly fell asleep again.

_Tap tap. Tap tap tap_.

"Wake up, brat! Get up! You're to have breakfast on the table in half an hour, you hear?"

The voice was high-pitched and whiny. It definitely wasn't Sakura's, but Naruto was more concerned with getting it to stop than identifying who it belonged to. He grumbled and moaned as he shuffled about, trying to force himself out of bed when all he wanted to do was fall off his consciousness again. Then he opened his eyes and groaned.

"Ah, _shit_," he grumbled. "What's with this closet thing? Where the hell is my apartment?"

He stood up and stretched. And that was when he noticed something rather odd. When he reached up, his hands just barely brushed the ceiling. Huh. He could have _sworn_ he was taller than that.

_Well, shit me screwless and call me a wizard_, he grumbled to himself. _Next thing you know, I'll go back in time and be prophesized as the savior of the world. This is all just some crazy dream, it has to be_. Then he frowned. _Or maybe it's a Genjutsu? Yeah, Sasuke must have put a Genjutsu on me, and the others are too busy with the Sound nins to help me out . . . ah, well, nothing to do but live it out. _He frowned around. _Although, Sasuke must have a bit of a weird imagination, if this is what his Genjutsus look like Honestly, who locks people in closets?_

Luckily, though, the whiny-voiced woman who had been by earlier had unlocked the door, so he let himself out and glanced around. He was in a thin corridor, with the stairway behind him and what looked like the front door to his left. He headed to the door and glanced out through the window in it at the most bizarre looking neighborhood he'd ever seen. Not only were all the houses virtually identical, but they also all had long strips of pavement with weirdly shaped metal boxes on wheels sitting on them. Plus, it was a terrible layout for protection against enemy villages, like these people had a death wish or something. Naruto shook his head sadly; he felt bad for all people who had never been trained as a ninja.

"Boy! Twenty minutes! Breakfast! Now!"

Naruto turned around and plodded down the corridor toward the voice. _Stupid Sasuke . . . this Genjutsu sucks._

* * *

_Where the fuck am I?_ was Sasuke Uchiha's first thought when he opened his eyes. He was lying on a large, fancy bed with black sheets and a green comforter; definitely not the one he slept in at Orochimaru's hideout. He peered about. The room he was in was large and ornate, obviously belonging to someone rich; he was even wearing what seemed to be silk pajamas, in black and silver. He also felt distinctly shorter than he had before being knocked out.

He frowned. Come to think of it, how had that happened? He had been forming the seals to perform the jutsu that would kill Naruto—he tried not to think too hard about that—when that Inuzuka kid had slammed into him . . . but not hard enough to knock him out, he didn't think. He hadn't hit his head or anything. He had messed up on the end of the jutsu, he knew that much, but . . .

His eyes widened. The jutsu! He _had_ messed it up; maybe he had accidentally performed some sort of transportation thing and ended up here? Well, that was just obnoxious. Annoyed with himself, he climbed off the bed and headed to the door. Silly, unreliable things, jutsus were. Someday he would have to find a way to make telekinesis work. In fact, he was rather surprised no one in his genius family had done so yet.

Or, for that matter, had discovered a way to exist without the necessity of sanitary functions, because Sasuke really needed to take a piss and he had no idea where the bathroom was.

So he headed out the door from the bedroom into a large, fancy corridor lined with paintings in expensive-looking frames. And here was where Sasuke got the shock of his life.

The paintings were _moving_.

"Ahoy there, young master!" One of them called to him. "Aren't you up early there this fine morn?"

"Shut up!" Sasuke answered instinctively, because the sailor yelling at him had a rather unfortunate voice and well, just the fact that the damn thing was talking at all . . . and then he realized that maybe being rude wasn't the best idea. "I mean, well . . . uh, could you direct me to the bathroom, please?"

The sailor laughed heartily. "Oh ho, he feigns ignorance! Well, my laddie buck, I'll excuse the fact that you've lived here your entire silly life and tell you it is but two doors down and to your left! Now make haste, my rich young heir! You mustn't keep your bladder waiting!"

"Right," Sasuke muttered, and hurried away. _Not_ something he wanted to deal with in the middle of what was obviously a nightmare.

He found the bathroom easily enough; it was a _huge_ bathroom, all green and black and ornate. There were even fancy paintings, which was awkward, because several contained women who blushed and giggled and pointed at him. He resisted the urge to turn all the portraits around before he pulled down his pants.

It was only after he finished up and went to wash his hands that he caught sight of himself in the mirror. And then he really panicked.

He had shrunk. And not only that, he had gotten _younger_. Okay, so he should have noticed that while he was peeing, but he had been distracted by flirtatious paintings. To see an eleven-year-old version of himself staring back at him from the mirror when he was in fact sixteen was just . . . well, unnerving, to say the least. Yes, it was a nightmare—it _had_ to be—but it was an awfully realistic one. And usually in his nightmares, he didn't remember the events that had happened just before he went to sleep. Now, he remembered all too well, and had the creeping suspicion that maybe it was a little _too_ real . . . things were a little _too _vivid to just be a dream. But there really wasn't much of an explanation for how this could be real.

There was a sudden cracking sound behind him, and Sasuke whipped around, activating his Sharingan instantly to deal with the new threat, and froze at what he saw.

"Is master Sasuke not feeling well?"

It took all of Sasuke's self-control not to scream.

* * *


	2. Naruto gets an owl

**A/N:** So I KNOW people have been reading this because it shows up in my traffic alert, and yet I have no reviews! Pretty please? With whipped cream and a cherry and even rainbow sprinkles? Just say "hi"?

Also, I'll be trying to update as often as possible, but understand that I'm writing this around my original fictions, a full-time college schedule, and a job I work six hours almost every day, with a forty mile commute that Mapquest says should take forty-five minutes but I seem to manage in thirty-five. Don't worry, I set my limit at 100mph . . . and that's there and then back, so we're looking at a total of seventy minutes just to _get_ to my job and back every day. Plus, you know, appointments and studying and the writer's meetings I somehow manage to squirm into, even if I have to speed straight from work all sweaty and dirty and still wearing breeches and horse slobber. Life takes time! Who knew? Anyways, please enjoy and let me know what you think!

Oh, one more thing. Although this will be going along the lines of the actual Harry Potter series, plenty of things will be different because, of course, Naruto is a very different person than Harry. He will say different things, do different things, talk to different people, all that good stuff. Also, Harry was a very bright little eleven-year-olld; Naruto, not so much. And to keep the storyline straight, I really need the books on hand, but unfortunately, they're at home, a twenty-four hour car drive away, so please forgive any mistakes for now and I will pick them up when I fly home for spring break in a week or so. Thanks!

**Disclaimer: **I tried to take credit for Naruto, and he went Kyubi on my ass. I tried to take credit for Harry Potter instead, and he crucio'd my ass. Long story short, I own nothing and won't be able to sit for the next week.

* * *

By the end of the first week of his life as a cook in a cupboard, Naruto was beginning to doubt his Genjutsu theory. Even Sasuke wouldn't be this cruel; he would just stab him or something. This boring, torturously tedious life was worse than if the other had just killed him on the spot. He had to mow the lawn with a horribly smelly machine that was pushed around, weed the garden, cook all the meals, scrub the bathrooms . . . like all the worst D-rank missions rolled into one. And on top of that, his "cousin" kept trying to beat him up, and the one time he had started the seals for Kage Bunshin, the other boy had screamed bloody murder and his uncle had come out and beat him instead.

Because, it turned out, in this world, jutsus were "unnatural, freakish things" and terrified the crap out of his relatives.

Naruto didn't think even Sasuke could come up with something this elaborate. But he tried not to think too much about Sasuke; it hurt to think about Sasuke. That last seal he started to perform . . . Naruto didn't know what it was, but he was sure it would have killed him.

It was the end of the first week now, and he was starting to get used to his new schedule, though he was wondering how long this Genjutsu was going to last. He sat at the breakfast table with his aunt Petunia, his uncle Vernon, and his cousin Dudley, eating the smallest portion of pancakes and keeping his mouth firmly shut as much as possible. That was the hardest part about this; his relatives hated when he talked, and since talking was second nature to Naruto, he had been hit and yelled at for it more times than he could count. Well, often he ducked his uncle's blows, but still . . . And as tempting as it was to strike back, he wouldn't let himself. Not only were these people terrified of the "unnatural," but as civilians, it felt wrong for a ninja of his caliber to do anything to them. That, and the fact that they were totally convinced they had selflessly taken him in when he was only one year old and raised him themselves.

Naruto was just raising a forkful to his mouth when the doorbell rang.

"Get the mail, Dudley."

"Make Naruto get it."

"Get the mail, Naruto."

"Make Dudley get it."

"Hit him with your Smeltings stick, Dudley."

Naruto ducked the flying stick with all the skill of a ninja and went to get the mail. He picked it up. It had their address written on it, as well as the sender's address and a funny-looking square sticker. Naruto briefly wondered why they didn't just use messenger birds; so much easier.

He absently picked up the pile, not bothering to look through it, and handed it to his uncle before sitting back down at the table to finish his lonely little pancake. There was a moment of silence as Vernon scanned the letters; then he gave a choked gasp and his face turned white.

The other three all looked around at him.

"Vernon, what is it?" Petunia queried. When Vernon's face turned red and then green in response, she said, "Vernon? Dear?"

"P-P-P-Petunia," he gasped. "They . . . how did they . . . how did they know . . .?" And he handed one of the envelopes to her.

Naruto had tried to be good and keep his mouth shut, but this was too much. "Know what?" he demanded. "What are you talking about? Eh?"

"Silence!" Vernon thundered. "Naruto! Dudley! Out! Now!"

Both boys protested until Vernon grabbed them each by the backs of their shirts and threw them bodily—Dudley with difficulty—out into the hall. The two boys scuffled for a moment over who would get to look through the peephole and Naruto won with the help of his brilliant Taijutsu—much to Dudley's disgruntled astonishment—so the chubby boy had to lie on his stomach and peer through the crack under the door instead.

"How did they know?" Petunia whispered. "They even have his cupboard on here!"

Naruto perked his ears. Cupboard? As in, his closet of a bedroom? He strained to hear more.

"Spies . . . bugs . . . hidden cameras . . ." Vernon muttered. "They're watching us, Petunia. They've got their beady little eyes trained on our every move!"

"But what can we do?"

"Ignore it . . . we won't send a reply. That'll teach 'em. They'll know we got it and want nothing to do them and their . . . their _unnaturalness_." The last word was spat like a curse.

Naruto watched him rip the letter to shreds through the keyhole, wondering what all that had been about. Something about him, he supposed, since his cupboard had been mentioned. But he was beginning to feel a bit uneasy. Everything that was going on seemed pretty ridiculous for a Genjutsu. He didn't see how this could be real, but at the same time . . . what if it was? What if Sasuke had performed some sort of jutsu that hadn't killed him, but sent him who knew where? He moved away from the door to peer out through a window, scanning the neighborhood. Making up his mind, he trotted down the corridor and slipped his shoes on. He hadn't really had a chance to explore yet; he had been kept too busy. Now seemed as good a time as ever to check out his temporary home.

Dudley—nosy pig that he was—followed him, watching as he messily tied his shoelaces. "Where are you going?"

Naruto shrugged. "To look around. I wanna learn more about this situation."

His cousin frowned. "What situation?"

"Well, I wasn't here a week ago, was I?"

The other boy scoffed. "You've been here since you a year old, when your parents died."

Naruto slowly turned from the door. "What about my parents?"

"They're dead," Dudley sneered. "Everyone knows that."

Naruto was still trying to wrap his mind around what Dudley was saying. "So—you know who my parents are?"

Dudley stared stupidly at him. "Well . . . if my mom is your aunt, then your mom was her sister . . . right?"

Naruto scratched his head. "Huh. Imagine that." He took a moment to think. "What about my dad?"

Dudley looked a bit confused as to where these questions were coming from, but he answered anyway. "He was a no-good freak," he said matter-of-factly. "That's what mommy always says."

Naruto's arm twitched, he wanted to punch that fat nose so badly. But he controlled himself—he was a ninja, after all—and said tightly, "You're a bit of an ass, you know that?"

"Um . . .?"

"I feel bad for people like you," Naruto went on. "You can't have very many friends, huh?"

Dudley's eyebrows furrowed. "I have lots of friends," he informed Naruto. "Way more than you do. Nobody likes you."

Naruto's hand automatically went to his stomach, rubbing lightly over the Kyubi seal. Then he shook his head sharply and smiled. "You're wrong. I have lots of friends! My best friend . . ." With a pang, he thought briefly of Sasuke before he could shake the image of the dark-haired boy away. Even after all these years, he still thought of the other as his closest friend. He forced his mind to pull up a picture of Kiba instead. "As soon as I figure out what the hell is going on here, I have to get back to them. They're probably all really worried about me." He gave his best million-dollar grin and crossed his arms behind his head. "You're holding me up!"

Dudley was looking more confused by the minute, his brain not seeming to grasp anything Naruto was saying. As Naruto opened the door to leave, he hesitated for a moment, glancing back at his supposed cousin. He had always wanted a family, but somehow, he had never thought it would be quite like this. With a sigh, he left the house, closing the door gently behind him.

The street was deserted as Naruto started down it, hands shoved his in pockets, and he felt why as sweat trickled from his temples and down his back. The sun was painfully bright and he squinted ahead as it reflected off the concrete and created mirages. The brown grass lining the sidewalk crunched softly when he stepped on it. This really was a bizarre place; as he walked, one of the weird metal boxes, which he had since learned were dubbed "cars," zipped by him, startling him. He still wasn't used to how fast they traveled. It was another thing that made him doubt the Genjutsu theory, because where would Sasuke get an idea like that?

He turned down another street and was met with yet more big, well-groomed houses. Urgh, didn't these people get bored of being so uniform? If Naruto built a house here, he would paint it bright orange with royal blue shutters and a green roof. And a purple door, just for the hell of it. With red smiley faces. He grinned to himself; it would be so awesome to design his own house.

He was still musing over the interior details half an hour later when what appeared to be a worn-out feather duster fell from the sky. It took Naruto a moment of staring and prodding to determine that it was not a feather duster, but a passed-out owl. More precisely, a messenger-bird owl. Naruto had never seen an owl used as a messenger bird before, but hey, there was a first time for anything. And there was definitely a scroll attached to its leg—and it was addressed to him.

He carefully detached and unrolled it, his heart speeding up as he read:

_Dude,_

_I'm really hoping you're also in this crazy world, because I'm gonna go mad if I'm the only one who got sent here. My "family" told me this bird could find anyone even if I don't know where they are, so here's hoping._

_Anyway, this place is CRAZY, man. I live with—get this—a family of wizards. And I'm a wizard too. And this year I start at the wizard academy, which is called, like, Hogpimples or something. AND I'm eleven years old, which just plain sucks, cuz there's this really cute chick down the way who's my age—my other age—it's so confusing because, of course, I'm like this little kid to her. And I have five brothers—yeah, fuck me—and a little sister. But my parents are nice as anything and I still have Akamaru, thank god. Oh and, AND, you're famous. Like, super famous. I tried to tell them you're my best buddy and they all laughed at me, and I guess they had reason cuz really, where would I have met you here? Apparently I've lived here my whole life—or, well, the past eleven years, anyway. I have no idea what the shit is going on, so write me back and tell me your theories if you ever get this. I'm hoping this bird doesn't die; maybe let it rest for a bit before you send it back._

_But not for too long, or I'll go mad._

_Talk to ya,_

_Your bestest buddy Kiba_

And that was that, Naruto realized. His Genjutsu theory swirled around a bit before disappearing down the drain. _This is real_, he realized. _Holy fuck, it's all real. Oh my god. Oh my god, I'm in another world. Holy shit. Another world. Sweet!_ A grin made its way across his face. _This is so awesome! I'm in another _world_! So this is, what, an alternate version of myself? Heh. So I'm a wizard, huh? I always knew I could do magic. And Kiba's here! I'll have to find him somehow. _His grin still threatening to split his face over, Naruto bent down to survey the unconscious owl, wondering what to do about it. He couldn't just walk in the front door with it, that much was for sure. If the poor thing wasn't dead already, his uncle Vernon sure would finish the job. _My uncle . . . so I really do have family here._

He scooped up the owl and turned around, heading back towards the house. He'd just have to hide the creature in the backyard until his family went to sleep, and then sneak it into his cupboard.

The letter from earlier was forgotten completely.

* * *

_Kiba!_

_Thank god it's not just me; I thought I must be in a Genjutsu or something, but I guess not. I'm so glad I heard from you, and its sweet that we're wizards, but what did you mean by me being famous? And I was thinking the other day—yes, I do that sometimes, shut up—we should probably pretend like we DON'T know each other, because obviously our families think we've been here for the past eleven years and don't realize we're actually fifteen-year-old ninjas. But hey, that's cool, right? It's like we're on some top secret super dangerous mission!_

_And I think I'm jealous, you definitely got the better and of the deal. Your family is wizarding, right? Well, mine are just normal people, though my cousin and uncle are pretty fat, and they freak out over anything "unnatural." And I have to sleep in a closet! I mean, come on. I'm Naruto Uzumaki, famous wizard and future Hokage! I should get the master bedroom, and I'd say my cousin could have the closet, but frankly, I don't think he'd fit through the doorway._

_Anyway, tell me about this wizard academy. Can I go too? That would be awesome, we would be top of the class no problem. Is it like the ninja academy but for wizards? Are you already doing magic and stuff? Or has it not started yet? Do we get to go on wizard missions? Hey, are there like wizard villages or something? Like, the Village Hidden in the Magical Sparkles or something crazy like that? Cuz that would be awesome. And have you heard from anybody else from our squad, or are we the only two?_

_And tell me about this girl. She's cute, huh? What does she look like? Pink hair?_

_Write back soon, and maybe find a different messenger bird, this one's gonna die any day now._

_Peace,_

_Uzumaki Naruto (but they keep calling me Naruto Uzumaki. Eh?)_

_

* * *

_

Several miles from Privet Drive, the groundskeeper's assistant sat cross-legged on the grass by the delivery station, painstakingly rolling letters around the eggs in a carton to be delivered to number four.

"Fucking troublesome," he grumbled.

* * *

**I know, not much is happening yet. I promise it'll get better once they're at Hogwarts, and of course, once Sasuke shows up . . . Admit it, we all love his broody ass. You've probably already guessed where he is though, huh? Huh? Come on, review and tell me your theories; you KNOW you want to . . .**


	3. The Dursleys get a surprise visitor

**Listening to: **_Reden — Tokio Hotel _(I love getting recommendations for music, so I'll put these at the beginnings and ends of each new chapter, since I'm always listening to something!)

**A/N: **Whoa, I'm on a roll today, haha! Two chapters in one day. It's because I had a dentist appointment, so I took the day off from work. However, that means I have to work tomorrow instead, so the next three days will be **very** busy and I don't know how much writing I'll get done.

I very pleased with my hit numbers growing by the minute, but I'd really like to know what you guys think of the story! It's hard to improve my writing if people don't tell me what they like and don't like. I don't want to nag about getting reviews, and I'm not asking for an analysis of every paragraph. Just a quick "I liked this part," "I didn't like how this happened," or "this was a silly idea," would be a great help. You guys get free entertainment; in return, I'd like opinions on it. Also, now is your chance to tell me about anything you'd like to see! Once this story gets rolling, it will be harder and harder to integrate outside ideas, so if there's something in particular you want, let me know and I'll see about working it in. So far, only Naruto, Kiba, Sasuke, and Shikamaru are here, but if there's someone in particular you want, tell me! I'll try my best to get that character in. I'll even go back to the first scene and add it to the initial fight so it makes sense!

Thanks tons, and enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I tried to kidnap Naruto and Harry Potter, but Zabuza came along and put me in a water prison so he could have them all to himself, since he knows I don't own them. *cries* But once I'm out of here, I'll tell the police all I know, and they'll be sure to give me at LEAST one of them for the tip-off! And, you will notice several lines that obviously came straight from Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. These belong to J. K. Rowling.

* * *

Another week passed. Naruto noticed his aunt and uncle often stealing fearful glances at him or talking to one another in hushed voices when they thought neither he nor Dudley was around, but he didn't think much of it. He also didn't notice the amount of letters being ground up, burned, and flushed down the toilet. He was too busy being secretive about his communication with Kiba.

It was like one giant spy mission. He reported his cousin's every move to Kiba, who replied with stories about his new wizard family. Naruto heard all about the prankster twins, who Kiba had hit it off with, the dragon tamer, the curse breaker, and the prissy prefect. They had a lot of fun Percy-bashing. He also heard a good deal about the cute little sister, and reminded Kiba several times that technically, she was his sister. He was certain that, had he been there to say that in person, Akamaru would have peed on his leg. But as it was, he was safe to say whatever he pleased. He also heard all about Kiba's dad's job at the ministry of magic and all about a game called Quidditch, which Kiba had become obsessed with. Naruto didn't understand it at all, but pretended he did, because it kept his only friend in this world happy. The only thing Kiba never brought up again was the fact that he was famous, and as curious as Naruto was, he left it alone. After a few more letters of silence on the subject, he assumed his friend had just been joking around. After all, he was the no-good demon child. Why would it be any different here?

He was so busy exploring his new life that he barely thought of Sasuke at all; but when he did, it was with a sharp pang. For years now, his life's obsession had been to find Sasuke and bring him home, but now, in this new world, there was no way for him to do that. Sasuke was gone. And as much as it hurt to think it, he found himself believing that he would never see the other boy again. But he denied it to Kiba.

* * *

_Once I'm the world's greatest wizard_, he wrote, _I'll use mystical magical tracking spells to find the bastard, and then I'll conjure unbreakable ropes that make it so he can't use jutsus. Then I'll transport him back to Konoha and buy him a new conscience, and he'll forget all about Itachi and be a Leaf nin again! It'll work for sure._

_

* * *

_

Kiba humored him, but Naruto knew the other boy found the situation as hopeless as he did.

* * *

_Once he's back in Konoha, _the dog-lover replied, _I'll whip up a truth serum and make him tell us all about Orochimaru and the Sound nins. Then, I'll hang him from his ankles and give him the invisible-feather tickle-torture for worrying you all these years, and after he laughs so much he cracks several ribs, I'm going to use magical instant-tattoo to write "my hair looks like a duck's ass" on his back as punishment for leaving in the first place._

_

* * *

_

And so it went on.

* * *

_Yesterday my cousin went to an arcade with some friends. I did a Kage Bunshin and sent six of my clones out disguised as other people to harass him. One of them challenged him to Dance Dance Revolution, which is this crazy weird thing where you have to step on the right pad to make an arrow glow in time to some music, and it was hilarious watching him try to keep up. I kicked his ass, of course, and since the clone didn't look like me, it told him its name was Naruto Uzumaki and his face was PRICELESS. Then today, when he was at the zoo with his friend for his birthday, I sent several more clones out and kept letting only him see them, and he'd try to tell his parents I was running off doing all these things, and then he'd turn around and see I was right there, all innocent, and man, you should've seen how freaked out he was getting!_

_

* * *

_

_Fred and George followed Percy on a date with that cute girl down the road, and they TOTALLY screwed him over. Okay, so I guess they went on a really romantic moonlit walk or some shit, and Fred kept making it seem like Percy was farting (admit it, you're laughing!) and the girl was trying to be polite but was obviously grossed out. And then, when he went to give her a present, it was supposed to be this really nice necklace, but they had transformed it into a toad, ha ha! The girl freaked. Ah, I feel evil. But really, I wish these guys actually were my brothers. I kind of love them. Akamaru does, too._

_

* * *

_

At the start of the fourth week, the routine changed just a bit when a giant broke down the Dursley's front door.

It happened shortly after breakfast. Vernon was poking at ten new letters in the fireplace, ensuring they had all caught fire—which was really kind of silly, considering the broiling temperature outside, but there was no reasoning with him—while Dudley watched TV, Petunia reorganized the fridge, and Naruto did the dishes. There came a loud pounding on the door.

With much grumbling and cursing about unexpected visitors, Uncle Vernon headed toward the front door. Naruto, busy with the dishes, didn't pay it any mind until a strangled shout of horror came and the door slammed shut again before Vernon came pelting back into the kitchen as fast as his chubby legs could carry him.

"What is it? What happened?" Petunia asked instantly, craning her long neck to peer in the general direction her husband had fled from. "Who's there?"

"Upstairs! Now! Where's my rifle?" Vernon hollered hysterically.

Naruto slowly shut off the sink. Dudley's eyes shifted from the television. The stranger knocked again, a great, loud, booming knock. And then—

_Crash!_

Petunia let out a squeal of fright and hid behind Vernon. Dudley's eyes bugged out.

_Well damn,_ Naruto thought. _Ten bucks says they're gonna make me fix that._ And then reason caught up to him. _Wait—who the hell just broke down the door!?_

"There's hospitality for ye," a low, gravelly voice floated from the entrance. There was a crunch, as though whoever-it-was had tried to stick the door back in place and ended up breaking it more, and then heavy footsteps started toward them.

Naruto would admit it—he was frightened. His family members were obviously terrified, and really, how much did he know of this world? This could be some sort of enemy he had no idea about. He raised his hands in preparation to perform a jutsu just as the stranger appeared in the doorway.

The person was _huge_, bent nearly double to fit under the ceiling at all, the giant face framed by wildly tangled black hair and a beard. Naruto didn't think twice.

"Aghh!" he shouted, biting his thumb and forming the seals. "Kuchiyose no jutsu!"

No, Naruto didn't think twice. He didn't think at all, actually. His intention had been to summon Gamabunta, who would at least rival the enemy in size, but he hadn't thought about how the giant toad would fit in the kitchen. He had also forgotten that he was back to being eleven years old, and therefore had a lower chakra capacity. There was a small poof of smoke, and then, sitting on the floor in front of him, was . . . Gamatatsu.

"Snacks?" the little yellow toad asked.

Petunia screamed. Vernon turned purple. Dudley's eyes threatened to fall out of his head. And the giant jumped so badly he cracked his head on the ceiling and dented it, paint and bits of plaster falling into his hair and turning parts of it white.

"'Oly 'ell in a bucke'! Ye already can do magic, Naru'o! An' wandless, a' that!"

Naruto paused as Gamatatsu crawled away to look for snacks. "Wait—you know me?"

"O' course. I'm the one been sendin' ye all those le'ers. Knew ye weren' gettin' them. Name's 'Agrid, Rubeus 'Agrid, but ye can jus' call me 'Agrid, e'erybody does. I'm the keeper of the keys at 'Ogwarts. Ye know all abou' 'Ogwarts, o' course."

"Now see here!" Vernon began pompously, but Naruto cut in, grinning up at the giant.

"Of course! Kiba's told me all about Hogpimp—er, warts. Yeah!"

It wasn't until after the words left his mouth that Naruto realized he wasn't supposed to know Kiba. But Hagrid didn't seem to notice. "Grea'! Well then, I'm on official school business ter tell ye—"

But Petunia couldn't take it any longer. "You _knew_?" she gasped. "You knew that's you're a . . . you're a . . ."

Naruto blinked at her. "Wait—_you_ knew?"

"What the blazes—" Vernon began.

"Knew what?" Dudley wanted to know.

"That Naru'o here," Hagrid beamed proudly, "is a wizard!"

There was a long, heavy silence. And then Vernon exploded.

"Out!" he roared. "Get out of my house! Take your freakish, unnatural . . . take it with you! And don't ever come near my family again, you hear? Out! Out!" He waved his hands about for emphasis.

"Vernon!" Petunia hissed. "Be careful!"

Hagrid gave Vernon a slightly worried look, as though concerned for the man's sanity, before turning back to Naruto. "Anyways, 'Ru'o. I'm here ter tell ye there's a spo' a' 'Ogwarts with yer name on i' this year, so I'm ter 'elp ye with gettin' yer books and stuff, alrigh'?"

"Books?" Naruto said, shot down. What did books have to do with learning magic? He _hated_ reading!

"Yup!" Hagrid said, oblivious. "We're off ter Diagon Alley! An' we'll also ge' yer—"

"He's not going," Uncle Vernon cut in.

Hagrid frowned at him. "Par'on?"

"I said," the man forced through gritted teeth, "that he's not going."

The giant snorted. "I'd like ter see a grea' muggle like yerself stop 'im."

"A what?" Naruto asked, scratching his head. He liked Hagrid, but he was having a bit of trouble understanding what he said. What was a Diagon again?

"A muggle," Hagrid repeated. "'S'what we call folks wi' not a drop o' magical blood in 'em, an' it's yer misfortune ter be raised by the bigges' bunch o' muggles I e'er laid eyes on." He beamed. "Bu' don' worry! Startin' this September, ye'll be attendin' the world's fines' school o' witchcraft and wizardry un'er the bes' headmas'er we've e'er had: Albus Dumbledore!"

Naruto was ready to start firing off his million and one questions, but it turned out Vernon wasn't done with his violent outbursts. "I AM NOT," he bellowed, pointing one meaty finger into Hagrid's face, "PAYING FOR SOME CRACKPOT OLD FOOL TO TEACH HIM MAGIC TRICKS!" And he yanked the finger back as though frightened Hagrid might bite it off.

And for a moment, Naruto thought he might, as well. His face turned murderous, beetle black eyes flashing. But instead of biting, he whipped a pink umbrella out of his giant overcoat and pointed it directly at Uncle Vernon's chest. Vernon whimpered.

"Never," he growled. "Insult. Albus. Dumbledore. In. Front. Of. Me!" And he twirled the umbrella about.

It burst open in a flash of light, and Vernon let out a yowl, clapping his hands to his behind. Naruto ducked behind the kitchen island, instinctively avoiding any possible backlash from this jutsu—or magic spell. When he deemed it safe again, he peered over the island, and choked on his own laughter.

His uncle Vernon was sporting a stringy tail with a tuft of fur on the end, just like a bull's. With an enraged shout, he grabbed his wife and disappeared in a flash, fleeing before the umbrella-wielding giant. Dudley scrambled after. Naruto collapsed onto the floor, pointing and laughing until his ribs hurt. Ah, he would never forget the look on his supposed uncle's face when he realized he had grown a tail. Oh, that was priceless. He would have to tell Kiba that one; it definitely beat his brothers' toad transformation.

Speaking of toads . . . He glanced around for Gamatatsu, and found him halfway inside Dudley's bag of chips. _At least I'm not the only one enjoying myself_, Naruto thought with a grin. He turned to Hagrid.

"That was awesome!" he exclaimed.

Hagrid closed the umbrella sheepishly. "Eh," he said. "Mean' ter turn 'im comple'ely inter a bull, bu' I guess it's be'er this way; be kind o' dangerous ter have a bull runnin' aroun', ye know. Though, er, if ye don' mind, maybe don' mention I did tha' when ye ge' ter school. See, I'm no' really supposed ter do magic, so . . ."

"Really? Why not?" Naruto asked, bouncing to his feet.

Hagrid cleared his throat. "Bes' be off there, now, lo's ter do, places ter go . . ."

"Yosh!" Naruto said. "Ehm, what was that Diagon thing you were talking about?"

"Diagon Alley," Hagrid repeated. "It's where we'll be gettin' all yer schoolbooks, class supplies, robes, hat, an', o' course, yer wand."

"A magic wand?"

"Yup. An' since my assis'ant's takin' care of stuff at the school, we can spen' all the time ye want there."

Naruto's grin was so wide his jaw cracked. "_Sweet_."

* * *

"Will that be all, young master?"

Uchiha Sasuke gathered up his new robes, all black with, of course, the Uchiha fan on the back. "Hn," he said, and paid the witch with several large gold coins. "Keep the change."

"Thank you!"

Sasuke had very much taken to this new world he was in. He was a bit disgruntled that it was holding up his revenge on his brother, but, he reasoned, since he had technically gone _back_ in time, it was really just giving him more time to prepare.

And prepare he did. Here, he had a rich father willing to give him daily tutoring in the darker arts of this newfound technique: wand magic.

He took the bag of his purchases and left the shop, heading for the owl shop next. He would never know that he missed Naruto's visit to Madame Malkin's by a mere four and two thirds of a second.

"Good day, young master Uchiha," the manager greeted him as he stepped into the building, wrinkling his nose slightly at the smell. "Can I help you with anything?"

"No, thank you," Sasuke said curtly. "I can pick one out on my own."

The manager went back to the desk and Sasuke perused the shelves, searching the many different birds in cages. Several caught his eye, and in the end it was a tough choice between a snowy white female and a male eagle owl. He debated for a while, but chose the eagle owl in the end, paying quickly and leaving with the cage. He debated what to name the bird. A couple of cheesy ones like Goldstar and Majestic flashed through his mind before he sighed and called it Hyde.

He continued down the street and paused outside Quality Quidditch Supplies. Here was one thing this world had that his own couldn't match, and he longed to try it out for himself. To be able to fly! Sasuke could fly on his own, of course, when he opened the curse seal, but this was different; a broomstick would be so much faster, so much more graceful, and to actually play against others and crush them would be so satisfying. Sasuke thought briefly about the upcoming school year, and smirked to himself. He would definitely try out for his house team.

In the past month he had been here, he had done as much research as possible on this world, mostly using his father's giant library as a resource. He had been a bit surprised at the huge rift between wizards and muggles. In the world he was from, it was a bit like the difference between ninjas and civilians, but, of course, the civilians knew all about the ninjas and looked to them for help and protection. Here, it was almost the opposite. The wizards kept their talents to themselves, going to drastic measures to ensure the muggles never found out about them. In fact, the wizards looked down on the muggles and some would much sooner torture them for the fun of it than protect them from outside threats.

It didn't make a whole lot of sense to Sasuke, but his father was one of the muggles-are-scum-to-lick-our-boots clean type, so he nodded along and pretended to agree if only to keep his money and food supplier happy.

He was just about to walk on when he spotted something small and white darting amongst the other shopper's feet, and his eyes traveled up to the small group of people it belonged to. A smirk made its way across his face. Life had just gotten that much better.

* * *

**Guess who, my duckies? Drop me a note!**

**Listening to: **_Love Hurts — Incubus_


	4. Naruto rides the Hogwarts Express

**Listening to: **_Numb_ — Family Force 5

**A/N:** So I'm really, really sorry about the delay, I have just been so busy lately. Take Saturday, for example: I left the house at 7:30AM for work and got back at 11:00PM. That is one long fucking work day, my duckies. I just got back from getting my old car fixed up, and I finally finished this chapter while sitting in the waiting room at the repair place. On the plus side, this chapter's a bit longer than the others.

But, I am super happy about my reviews! I even did a happy dance. I dedicate this chapter to those special people who took the time to scrawl me a note, and as a reward, you get my fun fact of the day: the Dominican Republic has trash police. And I don't mean policemen who are bad at their jobs, i mean policemen who make sure people are managing their trash correctly and recycling and composting and all that good stuff. Who knew?

I will stop rambling at you now and tell you to just please enjoy! Naruto and Sasuke meet . . . you know you want to finish it and review . . .

**Important note: **I am extremely forgetful. If you ever notice me contradicting something I said earlier, please let me know, because I probably forgot all about it. Thanks!

Previous disclaimers apply.

* * *

Well, this was just a little bit awkward.

Naruto stood in the crowded train station with trolley full of wizard supplies and an owl, and he really had no idea where the heck he was supposed to go from here.

Shopping in Diagon Alley had been awesome. He had worn out poor Hagrid dashing from store to store, scared the crap out of the creepy old wandmaker by transforming one of his bunshins into a ghost and rattling things about in the back room, and wasted a good hour in Gringotts swapping horror stories with a goblin. The goblin didn't believe any of his, but that was okay. Naruto didn't believe the goblin's, either, because really, who marched around in masks and pointy hats drawing green skulls in the sky?

And, to his astonishment, he had learned that he really _was _famous.

They had entered the alley through a little old inn called the Leaky Cauldron, and the second the people inside had heard his name from a grandmotherly, proud, beaming Hagrid, he had been swamped with questions, congratulations, hands to be shaken, and eyes peering at the whisker scars on his cheeks, which in this world had apparently not come from being possessed by a demon fox.

"Can' believe ye don' know," Hagrid had confessed to him over lunch. "_E'erbody_ knows abou' Naru'o Uzumaki, an' I mean _e'erbody_. Ye'll see once we git ter 'Ogwarts."

"I don't get it," Naruto had replied, his nose wrinkling with confusion. "_Why_ am I famous? Was I attacked by a giant orange fox with nine tails?"

"Well . . . er . . . no, not exac'ly. Ye were attacked by another wizard. See, not all wizards are good'uns, Naru'o, and this one attacked ye is one o' the wors' we seen in years."

"Like a missing nin," Naruto said knowledgably.

"A wha'?"

"Ehm, nothing. Go on."

"Righ'. So, like I was sayin', this wizard'd been terrorizin' the country, killin' off all the bes' wizards an' witches left an' righ', until ye came along, Ru'o. Fer some reason—an' no one knows why—'e couldn't kill ye."

"Ah." Naruto grinned. "I always knew I was special." He clasped his hands behind his head. "So then, what happened to my parents?"

"Killed," Hagrid said sadly. "An' ye jus' a baby an' all. Bu' the reason yer famous, now, tha's the real mystery of the thing. See, after 'e failed ter kill ye, 'e vanished. Disappeared. Dunno where 'e went ter, don' really want ter know. Some say 'e died. Codswallop, in my opinion. I reckon 'e's still ou' there somewhere, too weak ter go on, bidin' 'is time." He gave a sigh like a tornado. "Well then, 'ow abou' we git ye an owl?"

And that was why he had, along with his suitcases, a cage containing a large, snowy white owl he had dubbed Hedwig. It was name he had found in one of his new schoolbooks, which, despite his aversion to reading, he had actually rather enjoyed.

But now that he was here at the train station, he was at a bit of a loss for what to do. He had been laughed at for asking where platform nine and three quarters was, and he had been told there was no eleven o'clock train by a slightly irritated officer who obviously had better things to do than talk with loud-mouthed kids with owls.

And then, just as he was ready to give up and find a corner to cry in, he was sent an angel in the form of a small, white puppy.

As was his usual, he didn't think before opening his mouth. "Akamaru!" he shouted. The ninja pup made a beeline for him, lifted its leg, and—

"No! No! Damn it! No!" he shouted, leaping and dancing out of the way.

"Akamaru!" shouted another voice, one Naruto was vaguely familiar with. "Where'd you . . . ah!"

Naruto's eyes threatened to fall out of his head. "Kib—! Uh . . . I mean . . . um . . ."

It was his best friend, all right; albeit five years younger and followed by a small crowd of people who may as well have had their heads set on fire. Oh yeah, and he had to act like he didn't know who Kiba was. Naruto knew he couldn't act for beans.

Luckily, Kiba was a bit quicker on the uptake, not that that was such a difficult thing. His mouth dropped open, his eyes bugged out, and he practically shouted out, "Naruto Uzumaki!"

Instantly, all of the fire-haired people's heads whipped around. "Huh?"

"Huh?" said Naruto.

A little red-haired girl—who, Naruto suddenly noticed, was clutching Kiba's hand—peered up at him.

"It's Naruto Uzumaki!" she squeaked. "Mum, can I get his autograph?"

"Hush!" the plump, older, and also redheaded woman said. Then she turned to Naruto. "My goodness, it's really him. Naruto, dear, are you here all by yourself? Where are your guardians?"

Naruto clasped his hands behind his head and grinned. "They left. Actually, I'm kinda lost. D'you mind telling me how to find platform nine and three quarters?"

Two identical red-hair-framed faces suddenly popped up in front of his own. "Hiya, Naruto!" one of them said.

"We'll show it to you!" exclaimed the other.

The prankster in Naruto kicked in. "Aha!" he cried, leaping backwards. "It's the Terrible Twosome!"

The twins exchanged a confused look. "The what?"

Naruto nodded vigorously. "Yeah, I've heard all about you! There was a warning note in my acceptance letter about how you're ruthless pranksters and potentially dangerous! Stay away from me!"

Another look passed between them. "My dear twin . . ." one started.

" . . . I do believe . . ." the second said.

" . . . That our reputation as preceded us." He turned to Naruto. "What?"

For Naruto had doubled up in laughter. At the twin's question, he pointed a finger straight into the other's face and crowed, "You fell for it! You fell for it! Ah ha ha ha!"

Both of the twins faces turned indignantly outraged in the same moment, as they realized that, behind them, Kiba was also cracking up, the mother and little girl were grinning, and even the fussy eldest of the crew looked to be fighting a smile.

Thing One leaned into his brother. "My dear Fred," he said.

"We've been had," the other completed. And then they turned identical evil grins to Naruto, who would forever deny that in that one moment, he feared for his life.

"Don't worry, little Naruto," Thing Two said. "_We'll_ show you how to get to the platform."

"No, I will!" Kiba said. "Two at a time, remember?"

George turned to stare at him. "Little brother, did you know you have dirt on your nose?"

Kiba reached up and scrubbed quickly at his nose before pointing to the barrier between platforms nine and ten. "Go!"

"_I'll_ go," said Percy the prefect—Naruto snickered as he remember the toad—and walked straight into the barrier—and vanished. Laughing and shoving one another, the twins followed.

"Come on," Kiba said, taking Naruto's arm and wheeling him about. "All we have to do is walk straight into it!"

"How do you know?" Naruto hissed so that only Kiba could hear.

"My brothers told me," the other replied. He started jogging, pushing Naruto's trolley. He lowered his voice even more. "And once we're alone, I have _got_ to talk to you!"

Naruto didn't like being held in suspense, and he would have asked what about, but at that moment they ran straight into the barrier—and through. And then he forgot all about it.

"Whoa!"

They had emerged into a crowd of people in cloaks, pushing trolleys, lugging baggage, chasing escaped cats, exchanging tearful farewells with family members . . . it was complete bedlam. In the midst of it all was a giant scarlet steam engine with writing on it proclaiming it to be the "Hogwarts Express." Naruto stared, open-mouthed, as Kiba chased after Akamaru, who had gone to pee on some poor kid's suitcase.

"Oy, there you are!" Two identical grins appeared on either side of him. "Where'd Kibikins go?"

Kiba returned dragging his puppy just as his parents stepped through the barrier with Ginny, who glanced at him, turned so red Naruto could have fried cod on her, and ducked behind her mother. The older woman didn't even seem to notice as she glomped Kiba and proceeded to blubber all over him.

"Mum . . . geroff . . . you're suffocating me . . ."

Suddenly feeling awkward, Naruto grabbed his suitcase and headed for the train. "Uh, I'll save you a seat," he muttered as he went. Kiba, still being squeezed to death, somehow managed to nod in understanding.

It was a bit strange, Naruto reflected as his heaved his suitcase onto the Express, how he had felt so uncomfortable with the motherly display. But then, he had never really been comfortable with familial relationships, having none of his own. As much as he appreciated Iruka, Tsunade, Sakura, and all the others who had come to accept him, there was always that fear that at any moment, they could leave him; at any moment, they could change their minds. They weren't tied together by blood the way real families were. They didn't still have a connection no matter how many things might come between them.

He was so lost in thought—something that took a good deal of concentration, for him—that it took him a moment to notice Kiba had entered the compartment, a little ruffled and red-faced and still with dirt smudged on his own, but looking none the worse for the wear.

"Whew," he said, plopping into a seat across from Naruto. "Didn't know having such a loving mother could be so damn troublesome, you know?"

Naruto stretched, shaking off his thoughts from before. "You've been spending too much time with Shikamaru," he commented.

"Aw, I miss that lazy bastard," Kiba sighed. "This place is so bizarre, dude, you have no idea. Oh and just so you know, I'm not an Inuzuka anymore. I'm a Weasley."

Naruto choked on his own saliva. "A _what_?"

Kiba glared. "Yeah, laugh all you want, _you_ get to keep your damn name. My family is called the Weasleys, so from now on, I'm Kiba Weasley. Don't screw it up and call me something else."

Naruto laughed for several more minutes, pointing one finger straight up into the annoyed now-Weasley's face, before straightening, one hand massaging his ribs. "So, what were you gonna tell me? You know, you said you had something to tell me when we were alone."

"Yes!" Kiba leaned forward conspiratorially, squashing an indignant Akamaru on his lap. "Remember we thought we were the only ones to get sent here? Well you'll never guess who I ran into the other day!"

"Somebody else from Konoha?" Naruto asked excitedly.

Kiba's lips lifted in a faint imitation of a snarl. "You could say that."

"Well? Who—?"

But before he could complete his question, the compartment door opened and a brown-haired, slightly pudgy boy poked his head in, looking rather glum.

"Have you two seen a toad around?" he asked.

Naruto blinked. "A toad?" A grin began creeping across his face. "No, but if a toad is what you want . . ."

Kiba grabbed his arm as he moved to form the seals. "Are you crazy?" he hissed, so the toadless boy couldn't hear.

"What?"

"We're not ninjas anymore! No jutsus."

Naruto pouted. "Fine." He turned back to the boy. "Sorry, no toads here."

The boy sighed, looking forlorn. "Well, thanks anyway. I guess I'll just—" He paused suddenly, leaning closer to get a better look at Naruto's face. Then he gasped. "You—Are you—Naruto Uzumaki?"

Naruto grinned at his newfound fame. This was so much better than when people recognized him as the Kyubi container. "That's me!" he said. Kiba rolled his eyes.

"Oh." The other boy looked a bit nervous. "Um, I'm Neville Longbottom. "

"Nice to meet you, Neville!" Naruto thumped the seat next to him. "Why don't you sit down?"

"Oh . . . er, okay." And he sat. After a moment's pause, he asked, "So which house do you guys think you'll be in?"

Naruto was about to give an eloquent, "Huh?" seeing as he had no idea what the boy meant—what houses?—but Kiba beat him. "Gryffindor," he said. "At least, that's where the rest of my family has been. But I don't suppose Ravenclaw would be too bad. Slytherin, though . . ." He shuddered. "I think I'd jump right back on the train and go home."

"What's Ravenclaw?" Naruto asked. "And Slithering and Griffin door?"

"Me, too!" Neville agreed. Naruto's question went ignored. "I'd like to be in Gryffindor, but I'm probably going to be in Hufflepuff."

"Hufflepuff? What?"

The other two finally gave in to the task of explaining the house dormitories to Naruto—"Like the different hidden villages!" he had exclaimed—and before they knew it, the food cart had passed by. Naruto treated them all with some of the money he had gotten from his parents' vault that day in Diagon Alley with Hagrid.

After gorging themselves for a while, the compartment door opened yet again.

Naruto had been amusing himself with the Dumbledore card from his chocolate frog when he heard the door sliding and glanced up. And he felt the blood drain from his face.

"I've been hearing all up and down the train how the Boy Who Lived is in this compartment," the person standing there said. "I got curious. Now, I'm just a bit disappointed."

Naruto suddenly realized he wasn't breathing and took a sharp breath. The pale skin, ebony hair, and glaring charcoal eyes of the person standing there left no doubt as to the identity of said intruder. It was Sasuke.

But not the bleak, emotionless creature Naruto had last seen. There was no sword and no silly purple bow. For the past several years, all he had seen was the corrupted person Orochimaru had manipulated Sasuke into becoming.

But this Sasuke—wearing a simple black cloak with the Uchiha fan, standing just a few inches taller than himself, with his duck-butt hairdo and bangs just brushing his chin, that same damned superior expression on his eleven-year-old face—this was Sasuke as Naruto remembered him, as his rival turned best friend.

"You again," Kiba spat. "Where's your rich daddy now, huh?"

"At home, I imagine," Sasuke answered carelessly, his eyes sliding over each of them in turn. Naruto winced slightly; there was no recognition there, no relief at seeing former comrades, not even anger for the whole ordeal. "So, which of you is it? I'd put my money on you." He nodded to Neville.

Neville immediately blushed and stammered, denying it.

Naruto stood up. "It's me," he said, and was proud of how steady his voice was.

Sasuke arched one eyebrow. "Really?" he said, but it wasn't really a question, just a dismissive statement. "Pity. I suppose it really was just a fluke that night." And he turned to go.

Naruto would have leapt on his back right then and there out of sheer indignation, but Kiba, predicting it, grabbed him from behind.

"Don't," his friend said. "He's not worth it, the little shit."

"He is _so_ fucking worth it!" Naruto spat, but he stopped struggling. "Like it's not his fault we're here in the first place!"

By this point, Neville was looking rather confused. "You know that boy? What are you talking about?"

"Shut up, Neville," Kiba said. "Listen, Naruto. I don't know why you ever liked that bastard, but let it go! He's a traitor and an asshole and if we were back home right now, he'd either be standing trial or on his way to his execution!"

Execution? "I wouldn't let them! He didn't do anything wrong, it's all Orochimaru's fault—"

"It was his choice and you know it," Kiba growled. "We've been over this, Naruto. He's corrupted beyond hope. Give it up." He turned to Neville, who was watching the exchange with an increasingly confused look on his face. "And if you say a word of this to anyone, I'll turn you into a chew toy for Akamaru."

Neville held his hands up defensively, face white. "Okay," he said meekly.

Kiba sighed. "Anyway. That's who I was going to tell you about. I ran into him and his . . . _daddy_ in Diagon Alley the other day."

Naruto's head whipped up at these words and he stared at Kiba. Sasuke's father? "What?"

"Yeah," Kiba spat. "The _Uchihas_. My dad's told me all about them. Apparently they're a bunch of rich bastards who talked their way out of going to Azkaban when You-Know-Who fell."

"My Gran's told me about them, too," Neville piped up. Naruto's attention turned to him. "They were right in You-Know-Who's inner circle, but Lucius Uchiha wormed his way right into the heart of the Ministry. They're all corrupt in there."

"Huh?" Naruto said intelligently.

Kiba rolled his eyes. "Azkaban is the wizard prison, the Ministry is the Ministry of Magic, the wizarding government, and You-Know-Who is the evil guy who tried to kill you." He was used to his friend being slow on the uptake.

"Oh," Naruto said, mulling it over. "Got it. You-Know-Who. What kind of name is that?"

Kiba facepalmed. "I miss Shikamaru."

* * *

**Listening to: **_Apple Pie_ — White Trash

Okay, is there anybody out there who wants to see Hermione, Sakura, or Hinata? I'm deciding between these three girls and I want your opinion! Leave it in a review, please!

Next chapter: Might we see . . . dun dun dun . . . the Sorting Ceremony??


	5. Sasuke puts on the Sorting Hat

**Listening to: **_But I Love You_ — Big Bang

**A/N:** Well, I feel like an idiot. I'm sorry this took so long to put up; I thought I'd have more time to write over vacation. Ha! I got absolutely NO writing done whatsoever. I think you'd understand if you knew my family. I wrote half of this on the plane back and the other half in class this morning.

So, I apologize profusely both for the late update and that this chapter's a bit boring, but necessary. It'll get more exciting once we get into the swing of things.

Thanks, and enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto or Harry Potter (though if I did, I'd keep them both on leashes), and sections of this obviously come straight from Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. J. K. Rowling owns those parts (including the Sorting Hat song), not me.

* * *

Sasuke Uchiha leaned against the wall in the corridor of the train, out of view from the compartment he had been sitting in until deciding to find this Boy Who Lived. He had, of course, heard all about the downfall of the Dark Lord from his father, and he had expected the boy to a powerful young pureblood wizard, someone used to attention but not letting it go to his head, someone sensible and intelligent and quiet and someone who Sasuke would get along with brilliantly.

He could just about hear the laughter of whatever divine being had decided to make that person Naruto Uzumaki.

He hadn't let it show, of course, but he had been shocked to see his former comrade there. He knew he was in this world, of course—Kiba was nearly as loud-mouthed as the blond nuisance—but still. It had been like an extreme case of déjà vu to see the boy sitting there looking exactly the way he had when Squad Seven first formed. Sasuke was a prodigy at hiding his emotions, but he would have been lying if he said he hadn't felt the stirrings of nostalgia within him.

He knew Naruto had spent all these years apart training to become strong enough to take him home, and it still seemed like a bizarre thing to do. Didn't he realize Sasuke had made up his mind for good all those years ago? Didn't he know nothing he did would make Sasuke return to Konoha? Didn't he understand that getting revenge on his brother was so much more important than his so-called "bonds?" Couldn't he comprehend that Sasuke saw this whole situation simply as an opportunity to gain an advantage over Itachi?

Sasuke sighed and pushed himself off the wall, turning to the compartment. Such morbid thoughts weren't helping his mood.

There were three other people in the compartment, two of them large boys who grinned stupidly at him and the third a pug-faced girl who wouldn't stop simpering at him. Not good company for a grumpy Sasuke. He said back down, pushing the girl away with a grunt and leaning back against the seat. Trying to be optimistic about learning new things to use against his brother was difficult for a person as pessimistic as Sasuke. He was sick of this place already, and could only hope things would get better once he got to the school.

Hogwarts. Honestly, what sort of school was called Hogwarts? At least Konoha was a bit more logical about that, calling it the Ninja Academy. Why couldn't it just be the Wizard Academy? Maybe people were under the impression that it as being sexist towards witches. The Academy of Magic, then?

He sighed.

It was dark before the train finally rumbled to a stop and Sasuke stood up, followed by the girl and the two cronies. Ignoring that they followed him, he made his way off the train and over to the giant of a person who was shouting for the first years. Urgh. He was back to being a beginner. Well, at least if any of the professors annoyed him, he could test some of Orochimaru's nastier techniques on them.

"Hi, Hagrid!" he heard a chipper voice call out, and he spotted a flash of bright yellow hair. He hastily lost himself in the crowd again; he didn't want to deal with overly emotional morons at the moment.

The same three who had sat with him in the train joined him in a boat as well, and they started the journey across the lake. When the castle finally came into view, there were multiple "oohs" and "ahs." Sasuke was one of the few who didn't react; he simply stared up at the splendor dispassionately. But that was just for show. Honestly, it was an impressive place. His spirits lifted; Sasuke liked grandeur.

A squawk came from one of the boats as they gently bumped to shore. "A toad!" the girl squeaked.

"Trevor!" someone else called gleefully. Sasuke vaguely remembered being asked on the train if he had seen a toad. He thought he replied rather rudely, too. Something along the lines of yes, in fact he had, but why was it talking to him?

He had been in a bit of a bad mood; the pug-nosed girl was annoying.

Hagrid led the way up the front steps and knocked heavily on the front doors three times. They swung open immediately, treating the new first-years to a view of a strict-looking woman with iron-grey haired pulled into a tight bun. Sasuke thought this was probably a teacher he would get along with.

What he didn't know was that Naruto, standing about three yards away, was contemplating how much fun this person would be to pull pranks on.

"The firs' years, Professor McGonagall," Hagrid said.

"Thank you, Hagrid," the woman replied. "I will take them from here."

She beckoned and the students followed her dutifully. Sasuke could hear the drone of hundreds of overlapping voices somewhere off to his right; presumably, the rest of the students had already arrived, but Professor McGonagall led them instead to a rather small chamber off to the side. She then began spewing off information on the four houses and how the point system worked. Sasuke tuned her out and let his gaze wander over the other students, smirking to himself at the toad-boy's crooked collar and the dirt that was still smudged on Kiba's nose. Kiba himself looked vaguely annoyed with a bushy-haired girl next to him, who apparently wouldn't shut up. He avoided looking at Naruto at all, but he could feel the other's gaze from time to time.

When the professor finally left, the pug-faced girl—whose name Sasuke still couldn't remember—sidled up to him and asked, "So how do you think they sort us?"

Sasuke shrugged.

"I hope we're in the same house tog—eek!"

There were several other screams as well, and Sasuke spun around, hands raised defensively, to see twenty or so ghosts float in through the wall. Sasuke blinked. They seemed not to have noticed the small crowd of eleven-year-olds as they argued.

"Forgive and forget, I say, we ought to give him a second chance—"

"My dear Friar, haven't we given Peeves all the chances he deserves? He gives us all a bad name and you know, he's not even really a ghost—I say, what are you all doing here?"

The speaker was a ghost wearing a ruff and tights, and for a moment, there was just shocked silence. Then, predictably enough, Naruto broke it.

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki!" he shouted up at the ghost. "We're all waiting to be sorted into our houses!"

"Of course!" said the Friar. "Well, I do hope to see you in Hufflepuff, young man. My old house, you know."

"Move along now." Sasuke turned to see Professor McGonagall reenter the room. "The Sorting Ceremony's about to start."

The ghosts left and Sasuke lined up with the other first years, feeling a tinge of nervousness. He didn't particularly care which house he ended up with—hopefully, not with the pug-face—but what if he was put with Naruto and Kiba? Would they have to share a room? And how long would it be before he killed the both of them?

He could only pray it wouldn't happen.

He followed a pair of twins out of the chamber and into the Great Hall where he had heard the other students earlier.

It was truly a splendid sight, even Sasuke would admit. There were four long tables lit by floating candles and laid with golden platters and sparkling goblets. At the far end of the hall was a fifth table where the professors sat, and it was towards this table that Professor McGonagall led the first years. Sasuke glanced upwards as they walked and saw that the ceiling perfectly mimicked the sky outside. In fact, had he not felt it with his chakra, he may have thought that there was no ceiling at all.

"It's bewitched to look like the sky outside, I read about it in _Hogwarts, a History_," the bushy-haired girl from earlier whispered.

Professor McGonagall set down a three-legged stool and set upon it the most ragged, patched, and disgusting hat Sasuke had ever laid eyes on. Sasuke vaguely wondered if they would be expected to do some sort of magic with it, because if they were, h had a feeling not a single one of these kids would be able to do it, though Naruto might cheat and use Kuchiyose no Jutsu to pull a toad out of it or something.

His mulling came to and abrupt end when the hat opened a rip like a mouth and began to sing.

"_Oh, you may not think I'm pretty,_

_But don't judge on what you see,_

_I'll eat myself if you can find_

_A smarter hat than me._

_You can keep your bowlers black,_

_Your top hats sleek and tall,_

_For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat_

_And I can cap them all._

_There's nothing hidden in your head_

_The Sorting Hat can't see,_

_So try me on and I will tell you_

_Where you ought to be._

_You might belong in Gryffindor,_

_Where dwell the brave at heart,_

_Their daring, nerve, and chivalry_

_Set Gryffindors apart;_

_You might belong in Hufflepuff,_

_Where they are just and loyal,_

_Those patient Hufflepuffs are true,_

_And unafraid of toil;_

_Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,_

_If you've a ready mind,_

_Where those of wit and learning,_

_Will always find their kind;_

_Or perhaps in Slytherin,_

_You'll make your real friends,_

_Those cunning folk use any means_

_To achieve their ends._

_So put me on! Don't be afraid!_

_And don't get in a flap!_

_You're in safe hands (though I have none)_

_For I'm a Thinking Cap!"_

Sasuke resisted the urge to facepalm. Just what had he gotten himself into?

Professor McGonagall whipped a scroll out of nowhere—literally—and began calling names. Pale-faced and nervous students made their way to the center of attention to be Sorted into their new Houses. Sasuke shifted restlessly from foot to foot. Being a U, he was near the end of the line. His gaze roamed about the room, lingering on a bloodstained ghost at one of the tables and on Hagrid at the staff table; he still couldn't quite get over how large the man was, and suspected he might have giant blood in him or something of the sort.

And then, just as he thought he might pass out from boredom, he heard, "Uchiha, Sasuke!"

He sat on the stool just as the others had and, feeling foolish, put the hat on. It fell right over his eyes, and he tensed as his vision was obscured. Luckily, he didn't have to wait long.

"Well, there's no doubt about this one," a voice muttered into his ears. "There's more ambition in your pinky finger than all four houses combined. Revenge, is it? Well, you'll be best in SLYTHERIN!"

Sasuke quickly pulled the hat off, relieved, and glanced toward the table that was cheering for him. He heard catcalls from the other tables and frowned as he made he way to his new housemates, glancing toward the few left to be Sorted. Naruto and Kiba were among them, and he met worried blue eyes just McGonagall called out, "Uzumaki, Naruto!" He quickly looked away. Kiba was glaring at him.

He took the closest seat without looking, and it took him a minute to realize he was sitting next to the bloodstained ghost he had noticed earlier. It was completely ignoring him. He took another quick glance around to realize he was sitting with the two goons and pug-faced girl he had been with on the train. He groaned. Urgh, what terrible luck.

Pug-face was talking, but Sasuke had no idea what she was saying. Naruto had just gotten off the stool and was heading to the furthest table from Sasuke's. Kiba followed shortly after, and Sasuke could see them talking excitedly. Morons.

It was then that Sasuke realized one of the Slytherin prefects had been trying to get his attention.

"Mr. Uchiha, are you even listening?"

"Huh?"

"I said, we're doing introductions. Pay attention."

"Yeah, sure," Sasuke muttered.

"I'm Pansy Parkinson!" Pug-face squealed. "My dream . . . er . . . the things I like . . ." Sasuke fought the urge to roll his eyes as her face turned bright red. This was just like the beginning of Squad Seven, except that this girl was about ten times worse than Sakura. "My hobbies . . . um, well, I dislike . . ." She glanced at the two goons and exclaimed. " . . . fat boys!"

Neither seemed to notice.

"Vincent Crabbe," one grunted. "I like food. I dislike homework."

"I'm Gregory Goyle," said the other. "And I like . . . uh . . . what he said."

The other Slytherin first years introduced themselves as well, and finally they turned expectantly to Sasuke.

"Uch—Sasuke Uchiha," he said reluctantly, remembering at the last moment to say his family name last. "I don't have any particular likes and dislikes, and I'm not sharing my ambition you morons."

He got several blinks and blank stares for that, and smirked to himself. _Stupid kids. Get them to fuck off before they even try to get friendly._

"Uchiha?" Sasuke glanced up as one of the older students peered down the table at him. "As in, _the_ Uchiha family? Your father is Lucius Uchiha?"

Sasuke started dispassionately at him. "Yeah, what about it?"

"Nothing," the boy said, but he suddenly looked distinctly unfriendly. Sasuke shrugged and ignored it. What did he care?

When the feast was—finally—over, Sasuke followed the others back to his new dorm and claimed the bed by the window. He actually rather liked his new living quarters; it was in the dungeons. The roommates were unfortunate, but at least the room they shared was large.

Plus, their House's symbol was a snake. It was ironically fitting.

He sighed as he climbed into bed, pulling his sheets to his chin. Classes started tomorrow, and he would be lying if he denied that even he was excited.

* * *

**Thanks for reading, please review!**

**Listening to: **_Electroshock_ — 3OH!3


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